Reclaiming your sexuality after kids
Not having sex and a loss of intimacy after kids is common, but is also a cause of stress, anxiety, trauma and even has the potential to manifest irrevocable differences in your relationship. It doesn’t have to be this way! In this blog post you’ll discover how to reclaim your sexuality after kids and why it is so important to make space for this.
It’s true that, once you become a parent, your whole world changes and this can make you feel confused about your identity as a woman; what do you wear now, what do you eat, and how do you think? The whole of your body has changed and, without realising it, you’ve stepped through the portal into The Unknown.
Getting comfortable with your new identity
During the process of giving birth, women reach an altered state. This state actually gives them access to the Cosmos and a huge information download. This is an intense, unconscious experience, during a short period of time, and leads to their whole life being re-programmed. You are no longer who you were before your child, and that’s ok.
You may feel as if you’ve fallen through the looking glass into a topsy-turvy world of unpredictability, insecurity, unknown and fear. But you are a warrior woman, protective of your child and a survivor of this pilgrimage through the portal of destruction / creation.
Post-natal trauma and memory loss is not something lacking in you; you were faced with the very real potential of your death in the process of giving birth. And through this process, you too were reborn. This is often an unexpected realisation, so allow yourself time to embrace your new identity on this adventurous journey called parenthood.
Nurturing your creative energy
If you are feeling stuck or blocked after having kids, you need to carve out space for being creative again in different ways and explore new ways of living your life. This means spending time nurturing your sacral chakra.
You may need time to heal from your experience of birthing your child (and your new self in the process) and this may (temporarily) alter your sexual expression. But there are many other ways to get back in touch with your creative energy while you heal.
Communicating with your partner about your experience
Your partner may not fully understand the process that you went through to become a mother, but it’s important that you communicate this with him clearly and lovingly, as his energy is essential to your journey forwards. He might not realise that it is not only a physical change, but also an emotional, mental and energy language change. Continue this journey together as one, slow down and start over again. Mutual understanding is essential to reclaiming sexuality after kids.
Exploring gradually and consciously
You may not initially have sex as you did before. Enjoy the process of getting to know one another, like you did when you first met, hold each other and gradually move in the direction of bare skin. Your body is brand new. Your whole body and meaning have transformed, and now intimacy isn’t just hot sex, it’s spiritual in a way that you might never have expected.
It is very important to make an embodied connection as a couple, but that doesn’t have to be intercourse. It can be as simple as complimenting each other, saying things like “you look sexy with the baby”, acknowledging the need to be accepted in this new identity along with the baby.
Reclaiming your sexuality after having kids can be fun and expansive. And it can bring a whole new level of connection with your partner. Your sexual energy brought you to this point and has an important role to play as you continue your adventure.
For guidance and support in exploring this sexy magic, take a look at the Couple Kundalini Awakening Tantra experiences[lt1] I facilitate. And remember, I see your power, goddess and it is beautiful.
[lt1]Link to service page.